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One day, 3 yr. old Andrew, saw a pregnant lady for the first time and asked his mom about it. She said that a baby is growing inside of her belly. However, he only connected belly with food so he asked, "Why did she eat the baby?"

One Easter, while arranging my children's Easter baskets on the living room sofa, I got the idea that it would be fun to leave a trail of candy from daughter's bedroom door to her basket. Early Easter morning I was awaken to her heart wrenching screams. "MOM" she screamed and cried. "The Easter Bunny HATES me.... He through my candy all over the floor. "

My 6-year old cousin, who lives on a farm, had trouble learning how many seconds there were in a minute. To help her out, I developed a neumonic device. I told her that she had six chickens, so she could remember sixty seconds in a minute. After several months, I asked her if she remembered how many seconds in a minute. She said, "I don't know anymore because three of my chickens died."

I was showing my 3 year old son how to walk on his tip-toes. He was doing pretty good but then began to walk on his heals. "LOOK Mommy!" he said, "I'm walking on my tippy-heals!"

On our last family vacation, we decided to head to the Washington coast. "Where are we going?" my son asked. "We're going to Seattle," I answered back. My son asked the same question over and over, each time puzzled. We were both losing our temper when finally my son questioned "Dad, Who is Attle and why do we want to go SEE him?!?"

We were doing some finishing work in our basement and began to spackle the walls. I came across some suspicious fingerprints in the spackling that were made by tiny hands. The first day it was cute, but by the second day I was getting tired of smoothing out the finger prints. I asked my daughter if she was the one making the finger prints, she replied "no." I asked here again, "are your sure sweetie, they sure look like your prints?" Again she said "no." Convinced that she did it, I took her hand and showed how perfectly her finger fit into the impression. "Your finger fits perfectly, sweetie are you sure that this finger did not make that print?" She answered "No daddy, that finger did not make that print... I used THIS finger!"

My 5 year old niece, being totally sincere, says to her other Aunty this: "I know you really want to get married, but it's not that no one wants to marry you, they just don't know where you live."

In our town there is a graveyard where the main street runs right through the center. My two daughters were discussing the situation when my 11 year old said she didn't understand why her grandmother would want to live right behind it. My 9 year old piped up," That's because when she goes, they won't have far to take her."

When my oldest son Walton was 2 years old, he found his first box turtle. After playing with the poor thing for what seemed like hours, he began studying it very closely. After seeing him stare at it face to face for a long time, I couldn't resist any more. I finally asked him what he was looking at. He said "Mom, does he have a nightlight in his shell so he can see in there?"

My mother in law took our six year old out for lunch, to a playground and then Toys R Us on his birthday. They made a day of it. She is an RN and insisted he wash his hands at each place. Finally at one stop she told him "Just rinse 'em off." He replied "I've soaped these hands ALL OVER TOWN, thanks Grandma."

While driving down the road, my daughter Ashley, and her cousin Becky were chatting in the back seat. My daughter whined aloud "Mom, Becky hurt my feelings." Becky responded "No I didn't, I am sitting over here!"

After an early morning doctor appointment, dad checked his son in at the school office. Two secretaries in the office were having a discussion about a child who was 'playing hooky'. "Dad, Dad!" his son exclaimed, "How do you play that game Hooky?"

As I was tucking my 5 year old daughter into bed one night, she informed me that she wanted to be "Porkacheese." Mom asked "Uh, what?" She said, "You know, Porkacheese, like my friend in school." Mom later discovered that her daughter's friend was Portuguese. Mom managed to correct her pronunciation...

Mom and her 4 year old daughter were strolling in the back yard. "Sweetheart," asked mom, "should we plant a vegetable garden or have a flower garden?" Her daughter replied without hesitation, "Mom, lets have a kinder-garden!"

My son seemed unusually excited about an old rerun TV program 'Dinah Shore'. After it started he became agitated but continued to watch the program. Finally he threw his arms up in anger and shouted "MOM! This isn't about dinosaurs!"

Lexi told her mom "Mom, I have a new boy friend!" Mom replied "Wow, really? Does he know he's your boy friend?" Lexi confirmed "Yes Mom, he knows because I 'telled' him he was."

After work one night I took my 8 year old son to eat dinner at a local fast food place. I was short on cash and my son knew it so he ordered a small portion of food. While ordering I ordered him an extra taco and told him to go ahead and eat it. He looked at me kind of strangely and then after a couple of minutes he said, "I know what your are trying to do to me". I said, "What"?? I had no idea and was very surprised by his response which sent me into hysterical laughter, he said "YOUR TRYING TO FATTEN ME UP SO YOU CAN EAT ME"!!!!!

While looking at his birth pictures, my then 4 year old kept looking at the gory parts and asking what that was. I kept repeating, "that’s you, you are being born." He kept insisting, so I further explain the crowning part. Finally, he said, "no, that’s not me coming out of you. I'm stuck in a pizza."

From the 'watch out what you say' department - my preschoolers teachers had a field day with me for the next week after my other kid walked up to one of them and very politely asked: "will one of you please change my da*n diaper? "

My son is in 2nd grade and he has to study his spelling words every day. One day I ask him if he had his spelling list and he said no. I then ask him how he expected to study his words if he didn't bring his list home. He looked at me like I was completely stupid and said, "uh, mom, I just look in my brain."

My aunt and her husband decided that they would stop after two chidren. He was the one that got "fixed". He was sitting on the sofa with ice on his genitals. His oldest son ,about 2, came in and said "Daddy what happened did your girlfriend at work hurt your peepee.

A while back I was standing naked to take a shower in the bathroom and i thought i had locked the door. And I felt something go up my butt. Slowly I turned around to se what it was, it turned out to be my seven year old son playing with my wifes viberator that he found under our bed. All he said to me was,"I saw Mommy use it she said it felt good."

My 3yr old son was so delighted that he was potty trained he desided to tell the lady out loud at the supermarket checkout "i done poo's in potty" hes a proud man.

Once my at time 6 year old came home from school and said,"Mom,we have a new kid in our class and he said that he has indian blood in him." I replied with," you have a little indian in you too," I didn't expect the reply I got from that, she said. " I DO NOT" ,and I assured her that she did, and then came the shock when she said"How am I going to get it out,poop it out?" I laughed so hard I cried.She found no humor in my laughing but, she was better than any comedian.

Last summer my family went on vacation to the Black Hills when we arrived it was dark so nobody could see all the mountains. The next morning we woke up early to drive up to see Mt. Rushmore. As we were driving up and around all the mountains, my 3 year old son looked out the window with a sick and nervous look on his face and said, "I wish I would have stayed home today!"

At four, Rikki has given us joy and giggles including: - Calling her umbrella an Underbrella - think about it. - Seeing the moon at about 1/2 one night and saying 'Mommy - look, Luna's broken'. - Seeing a lady shopping in a wheelchair and saying (loud enough for to be well heard), ' Wow Mom, I bet she has a lot of fun).

At the of 3 soon to be 4, I asked my grandson if he remem-embered whom birthday is was on Christmas Day, He said he had forgotten, (his birthday just happened to fall on Thanksgiving that year)so I reminded him that Christmas was Jesus's birthday and he said "oh, goodie may we go up and eat cake with Him!

When my niece was 3 or 4 years old, we watched a video of her parent's wedding... We were telling her to watch her parents, grandma, aunts and uncles... suddenly, she began to cry out loud... What happen dear, why are you crying? wa asked... and she answered: nobody invited me to that party!!!!

When my nephew was 2 my sister was having a fit about her husband running through the hall to the bedroom naked after a shower. Well, he finally stopped after he was streaking through the hall and met up with little Richie. Richie just stopped in amazement and said, "Wow Daddy has a BIG pee pee!" Since then my brother in law has stopped streaking

Our 4-year-old daughter decided to show off her recently acquired knowledge of anatomy at a church dinner. She started by telling the woman seated next to her, "My mommy has big nipples." After the woman regained her composure, she made the mistake of asking, "Oh really, why is that?" She got this answer: "Well, you see, my Dad has a penis, but my mom doesn't..."